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There are some of us who hated sandy beaches as a child! Not the digging sandcastles and swimming in the sea but the process of getting off them and back to the car or hotel etc - that’s the issue here. All that chafing, grating and abrasion in some very personal places – and it goes on for days – weeks sometimes!
You people do that by choice? For enjoyment? That’s like telling someone to take an electric sander to their feet for the fun of it, or lining your underwear with emery cloth for pleasure! And while there are people out there who might do this, they are quite rare and might also like to wear lots of rubber and shackles and chains and be beaten on the bum repeatedly with a paddle.
The fact is that if you go to a beach you’ll be extracting grains from various orifices for weeks. Those granules even stick to your ice cream – the swines! And yet some deeply disturbed people like a sandy beach and don’t mind getting their towel covered in sand as they lie on top of it, even though they have to dry themselves with it!
The biggest problem about beaches is that just when you think you’ve seen the back of them – got yourself a job so you can afford to rent somewhere with a pool – you then get married and have kids. And by the time said child reaches the age of two they’ll be digging in sandpits so it’s back to the damn beach for sandcastles and more severe abrasion. But now when it’s time to go home you have to try and extract every grain of sand not from two feet feet using nothing but a sock but four feet!
Thankfully, Malta's coast is primarily rocky and comes with no harsh grating effects at all. However, there are a few sandy beaches to be found if you’re crazy enough to want to seek them out, or have a three-year-old clutching a bucket and spade and gazing at you with large puppy dog eyes.
Malta’s sandy beaches are predominantly in the north. Most are small and hidden away in small bays and they’re not terribly easy to get to. But worry not because there are also some bigger ones, which are very easy to get to and where you’ll find lots of like-minded sand fans being rubbed raw.
Now here’s your check-list. For bucket-and-spade-sandy-fun on Malta head for Ghadira Bay, Ghajn Tuffieha Bay, Golden Sands, Paradise Bay, Pretty Bay and Armier Bay.
On Gozo, the ones you need are Xlendi Bay (which is beautiful but tiny), Marsalforn and the splendid Ramla l-Hamra beckon on Gozo. There are even a couple of sandy beaches on Comino - Santa Marija Bay and San Niklaw Bay.
It seems there are thousands of crazy people who actually like a good grating around the groin and in response the Maltese authorities have been working to artificially enlarge some of the smaller sandy sites. Projects have been successfully carried out at St George's Bay and Bugibba – converting the rocky shore into a sandy haven. The fools!
So a sandy beach and a buffed bum crack is never too far away even if you’re staying down south – because nothing is that far away on Malta. If you are staying in a more southerly location then the nearest option is probably St George’s Bay. If you don’t have a car then there are public bus routes to nearly all the beaches mentioned in the list above.
Check out the Arriva Malta website for details on route numbers and times.
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